How to Scare your neighbors kid with....

One of the things about the neighborhood that we live in is that our neighbors are simply just too nice. They are very neighborly. The neigborhood kids would all congregate together almost every day and they would just go door to door and play at different houses. Well I noticed that the kids didn't congregate at our house that much and I started to wonder why. Why is it that they are always at Mrs XX's home? I asked my son one day, and he said, "Mrs XX always has lots of food to eat like pop-corns, chips, ice-cream sandwiches, sweets and goodies!" Ah...now I know the secret..it's food! Not to be outdone, I decided to go crazy shopping for goodies. We went to our local chinese store and picked up finger food. We bought guava juice, coconut candy, shrimp crackers, liquid yogurts, stinky tofu, mini egg yoke filling moon cakes and to top if off, dried squids dipped in yummy sauce. I actually don't know what kind of sauce it is, it's just simply yummy sauce. It's really really yummy. Ok..now I was set for them to swamp our homes. So the next day, I told my son to invite them over and he did. Lots of kids came by and we started serving the snacks. My wife left them alone with the snacks and went to get some guava juice drinks. When she returned, the kids all vanished! Where did they all go. My son was the only one left and he said..mommy..they said our food stinks..the stinky tofu is a no no.
Boy, if we are in Asia, we will be the talk of the neigborhood for sure. Now we are still the talk of the neigborhood but the talk contents might be very very different!

Lifesavers

I am going to write two illustration and let you fill in with your own pictures. We started potty training our little son when he was about a year and half old. He did very well and quickly master the art. Somehow along the way, he developed fixations. These fixations can be best describe by his attachment to things that comes out from his body. He would wave bye bye everytime he pushes the button and off they go through the slippery slide. One of my son's favorite book at that time was a book about tug boats. Everynight, I would read him that book. He would read about all the different things on a tug boat. He would ask me, "what is that donut by the side of the boat?" "O..that's a lifesaver. You throw that in to the water if somebody is drowning." He paused for a second and had a look on his face as if he's gotten some brand new idea. This is a look of concern for me as a dad. We soon discovered what he had in mind. Let's just say, the next day he went to the bathroom, he had a donut with him.


A word of caution, next time you are tempted to steal the chocolate donut on the table, just think twice. Is it really chocolate?

How to Wipe Your Butt with...

Mommy is sometimes a shrewd keeper of the dollars and dimes. She told me one day after coming home from work that she had put a limit on how many pieces of toilet papers that our little boy can use after he goes number one. She set it at FIVE pieces after discovering that he was using almost the WHOLE roll a day since he goes number one 3 times a day. I am not sure how he managed to use the whole roll EACH day and I was really scared to find out. These are not the cheap toilet papers that you get at dollar stores. These are the kind that has weave texture, contains soothing lotions, scented and it is more durable. Although I am not sure it is more durable for what purpose since it is not re-usable but the soothing lotions does feel good. The Charmin Ultra Plus are rather pricey and cost about fifteen dollars at your local supercenters. It is softer and gentle on the skin and each roll would perhaps last you numerous number ones! BUT somehow my son manage to consume a WHOLE roll each DAY. Finally mommy had to do something about this and she told our little boy to only use FIVE pieces each time. That reminded me of what happened to my friend at his boot camp training.

I had an army buddy that told me how he learned to use only a single piece of toilet paper for number one. It was the first day of boot camp. The drill sargeant decided to take away a few comforts and among them toiletries. He was reduced to only using a single piece each time. I asked him how he did it. He told me that he would fold the thin piece in two so that it will be thicker. Then, you put your finger in the middle of that half folded paper. The rest ...... just use your imagination! Did that GRAPHIC IMAGE (in your imagination) help wake you up?!..... If not then try imagining your kid picking his nose except...

After telling that story to my wife, instead of being grossed out, she actually said, "that MAKES sense! Why 5 pieces since you could do it with 1 piece!" Then she went to look for my son, who is in the middle of his 2nd "3-times-a-day" number one in the bathroom. I did NOT what to find out what my son did afterwards.......

My son is 4.5 years old and he also picked up another habit from the neighbors and that is digging his nose. How uncomfortable is that but the good thing about Charmin Ultra Plus.... it's GOT soothing lotions! :P

Holly underwears; It's a man THING!

Do you have old underwears that you just don't want to throw away and they just feel so comfortable when you wear them? It's like being at home and you feel safe everytime you have them on. I am not sure about other men but I suspect it's about the same. The softnesss of the fabric even though it's been washed thousands of time, it gives you a safe and homely feeling. Well, when I first got married, my wife was the one charged to do the laundry while I folded them and put them away. After serveral weeks, I notice a short in my underwear inventory and in particular three pairs that been through some tough years and times with me. I confronted my new bride and she said, O..you mean the ones that have holes on it?.. yea..I threw them away. "WHAT!!! you threw away my favorite pair of underwear!!! without letting me know??" "Sorry hon I didn't know and they looked torn and frankly a bit different then it's original intended color... but hey hon...I got you new ones... See..here they are. Don't you like those flowers?"

I was fuming inside but still gave in to my innocent bride's sweet smile. I guess that's what love is all about.


Sigh...I do miss my old faithful underwears

Kaboom... Midnight Surprise Special! (MSS)

For those of you who have been following my other blog Reflections, then you should know about my son's addiction to his stuff dog family. He actually named them O-Gee's. He's got a Daddy O-Gee, Mommy O-Gee and one little Og-Gee which represents himself. He is fascinated with dogs and would watch all kinds of shows about dogs.
He would watch Blue's clues and the Big Red Dog. He would also catch some dog shows on the animal channel. Well lately it seems my son has taken his fascination to a whole new level. He starts immitating dog behaviors which is a bit weird but somehow cute in our parental eyes. As most of you know, dog like to sniff each other's behind and my son would occasionally play pretend with his stuff dog family. He would use them to sniff each other's behind. One night, my son came over to sleep in our bed and as usual I would then go to his room to sleep since he always does a 360 degree lethal spin move on our bed that either results in me being kicked off the bed or Mommy. This time it was my turn to get kicked by the powerful 360 degree shadow kick! So I left to sleep on my son's bed. As it was approaching dawn and when the sun was almost struggling to get out to the horizon, my son came back to his room, which is very unusual. He wanted to sleep on his own bed again. Being awaken twice in one night, I was a bit agitated. I ask him, "what's wrong son? Why did you move again?"
With his droopy eyes, he uttered, "Mommy stinks! and I got a little too close like what little O-Gee did with Mommy OG's behind and Mommy went 'KABOOM!'"





I need to learn that trick from my wife in order to get a good night sleep.

My goodness gracious..that boy is FAT!!

Being Chinese and living in the United states has its benefits. Among the benefits is that most Americans don't know what we are saying in front or behind them in a public setting such as restaurants, parks and etc. We could use chinese and comment on how one may look physically or even how ugly the dress they are wearing. We have the freedom to comment in chinese however we want and they won't even know we are talking about them. That's a luxury of being a foreigner in a foreign country. Well...just a few months ago, we took a trip back to Asia to visit with our friends and family. We frequent many fine dinings with our friends and gain a few pounds ourselves as well. As usual on Saturday mornings we would normally go out for dim sum. The restaurant is always crowded with people. You see smiles, family members sitting around the dim sum table chatting up a storm. I guess you could call this somewhat a dimsum culture that happens every weekend. We were waiting for the dim sum cart to pass by while a new family arriveed to sit at the table next to us. Our little boy quickly noticed one of the teen boys next to our table. Without hesitation and in point-blank chinese, he exclaimed in Chinese ...."that boy is sooo FAT!!"

Silence comes over the restaurant for a full 60 seconds. I had to think of something quick. Good thing they were playing Sumo wrestling on TV and I quickly diverted the attention toward the program by pointing to the TV and saying "What a good match" instead. That was a close one because the dad of that family looked like he could eat the sumo wrestlers for breakfast!

The lesson for all of this is be careful what you say in front of your children! Otherwise you could be someone else's Dim Sum